"I'm Crazy" too... but in a cute way (I hope).

Back on December 31, 2006, a couple of minutes before the beginning of the new year, my brother M.A. asked: "any new year resolution?" I simply answered "keep winning." One year after that, over the phone, he asked the same and I answered the same. For those who doesn't know, it's a reference to Kirsten Dunst's conversation with Paul Bettany in the excessively corny, 2004 movie "Wimbledon." Seems kind of obvious to point out that when you are doing good and things are going just fine, you start to fear failure. Both those years were very good for me, and of course, "keep winning" was both a determination to keep working on this path and an invocation to the gods (or goddesses, not trying to discriminate here) of success so they keep helping me.

I'm glad this year I did not get a phone call from M.A. at midnight. First because he would have caught me: I was not in a party at my friends house as I said I was gonna. And second because if he would have asked the question, I would have probably answered "this year I'll try to get a life."

Even though I had a couple of invitations to events which ranged from wine and cake near the fireplace to a road trip to the mountains, I spent new year's eve à la Holden Caulfield (minus the prostitutes, of course). Yes... I walked around the city until around 4 p.m. when I got back to the apartment and simply sat there reading and chatting to K. on the BB. At 10:30 p.m. I went to bed, and that's how the new year caught me dreaming about only-god-knows-what.

2008 was twice as good as 2006 or 2007 together, but I also worked my ass off into alienation. Ironically enough, I ended up spending January 1st with the girl who suggested the wine and cake thing near the fireplace. I must say, she also spend the 31st by herself, since she didn't feel like going to a party after I declined her invitation. In the cifs-universe she is called DB, and we talked up until midnight about life, art, past relationships, current work dilemmas, our attitudes towards love, the geographic location of Moldova, and even christian fanatism. I beg you, don't read too much into this. I simply do not date, and she only hangs out with me this way because she knows she is safe with me (she said I'm the only person in this city that has walked her home without expecting a goodnight kiss).

What I realized that night is that despite we are both very crazy in very different ways, she would be very close to what I want in a women... but only if this was home.

Of course, as the clock was hitting 10:00 p.m. we talked about my self-imposed alienation, my need to keep moving, and how she was ready to call this city home. But even as I knew we both had spent a shitty new year's eve, I remained firm in the way I rationalize the human condition, in how floating is only possible because there is no anker, and how she should keep doing what we both have been doing since 2000: sailing from port to port leaving no victims behind. She, being slightly older than me, hasn't figured out the world either; but to me is pretty evident that she finds my attitutes kinda cute and slighly childish. 

"I knew what he was thinking: how young I was, how I didn’t know anything about the world and all, what happened to guys like me and all."

The bottomline is, the new year's resolution  remains the same: keep winning. If someone acuses me of not making any sense, like Holden I will call myself crazy before anybody else does. But you gotta admit, my insanity is also kinda cute.